If You Don’t Love Them, Then Why You With Them? Are You Settling?

If You Don’t Love Them, Then Why You With Them? Are You Settling?


Originally Posted on my Living the Lifestyle Live Column, Settlefree Dating With Tinzley


Hey everyone, I posted this in my Settlefree Dating Wit Tinzley Column on the http://livingthelifestyle.live/category/settle-free-dating-with-tinzley/ But this is such a deep topic so I just had to share it with you all.

Questions! Questions! Questions! Why are there so many questions in relationships these days?

Why are people  in relationships with people they really aren’t 100% sure of? Who’s wasting whose time? Did you know that when you really love someone, you have no interest at all in anyone else but that person you really love! PERIOD!!! Did you know that? Now you learned something.

Men if the woman you’re in a relationship with or dating exclusively is feeling unsure of her position in your life then shame on you! Women if you’re sticking around and holding onto a man who makes you feel unsure of your position in his life then shame on you! It’s just that simple!

Men/Women, Why are you in relationships with people you’re unsure of? No one has that kind of time to put their hopes and dreams on hold waiting on you to decide what the hell you want? I mean what is it? I have witnessed time and time again couples together who never should have been. He’s not happy and neither is she. He settled and she settled and it’s mostly because they got into the relationship for the wrong reasons. It surely wasn’t love! Why are people having to think so hard about a damn relationship? Either it is, or it isn’t!

I’m going to tell you right now just like it is. When you truly love somebody and they truly love you back, you NEVER fall out of love with them EVER! Love is a natural feeling and you can’t just fall out of it… I’m serious you can’t!

Let me give you some good advice and relationship evaluation today? Can I do that? Somebody gone say “Oh no she didn’t!” Somebody else gone say ” Who she think she is?” Somebody else is going to add on and say “She just mad cause she’s single!” The truth of the matter is, I’m not mad at all, I’m just disappointed in those who out here getting in relationships with folk they don’t love then trying to have chics and dicks on the side to compensate for what they feel they are missing. So let’s get down to it:

  • If you’re not 100% sure of the person then please don’t take that leap! I don’t care if you got them pregnant, if you don’t love them then don’t force the relationship to be happy because chances are it’s not going to be genuine love. You will be settling! I don’t care if your mama and daddy have been pressuring you to get married, don’t you run off and marry the woman who just ” Happened to be around” when you thought you were ready to settle down. Your mama and daddy will just have to wait because this is your future not theirs!
  • Ask yourself today, Are you truly happy with who you’re with? I know it’s a tough question but guess what? Your future depends on it! Go ahead, ask yourself are you happy or are you just surviving together?
  • Do you cheat on your mate? Yes I went there! Come on, keep it real…Do you? A happy mate doesn’t cheat! If you cheat ask yourself why do you cheat on your spouse or the person you’re in a committed relationship with?
  • Are you together because you love one another or because you have kids together and you don’t want to break up your happy or lack there of home.
  • If you had to do it all over again would you have married or committed to the person you’re with or do you feel like you missed your true love along the way and you settled?


I’m single and I have been single for a very long time. You want to know why? It’s because I have not found anyone available who I love and who loves me wholeheartedly. I could have been booed up a long time ago but would I have really been happy? I knew the answer was no so I chose not to move forward. The problem is, so many people are many times viewed as “socially awkward” if they are seen walking around after a certain age still not married or not in a committed relationship. Soooo what do they do???? They force love and fake a relationship and end up living their life miserable, unhappy, with someone their not even compatible with and the list goes on and on!


See you can’t, well at least you shouldn’t choose the bits and pieces of the person you like and call that love, it’s not! You either love them for real for real, or you don’t!

Word to the wise, chose your mates carefully and make sure you’re absolutely certain they are the one for you. If not, you just might end up cheating with the rest of those people and be one unhappy whipper snapper! I’m Just Saying! Don’t get mad at me…. This is for YOUR sake sweetie! !

Come see me live! Get your Tickets to my 4th Quarterly Settlefree Mixer happening in October!


Mixer 4 pic



I’m a Speaker , Settlefree Dating Coach and Author. I use my platform to empower women to make wiser dating and life choices and refuse to settle for less so that they can reach their greater purpose. If you want to learn more about not settling

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