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How to Communicate Effectively in Online Dating.

Updated: Oct 31, 2021

Men, I’m going to just sit this conversation right here. (See screen shot below.) THIS is a Huge NO NO! ☝🏾 I really need for yal to do better!

What is this a photo of you might be asking? Well it’s the actual conversation over a five day period from a guy who appeared to be interested in me I guess??? Here’s a quick back story, so recently I joined a dating site for two reasons, to gain knowledge on how great or poor the dating site is and do a feature on it, and to hopefully meet me a boo! Ayyyyyeee! But mens poor ability to actually spark a conversation is giving me childlike, insecure, weak vibes. And if he’s reaching out to me, why do I have to bare the burden of carrying the conversation? I mean huh? He messaged me right? 🤷🏽‍♀️

As you see in the screen shot, he started off with “Hey there beautiful.” I felt that was nice and I even responded saying “Heyyyy there” showing my enthusiasm , but it all went down hill from there? Why you may ask, well it’s because each day after that, he said the same similar thing and nothing else. I mean what was he wanting with me, to see how effective I was at saying hello each day? Needless to say, this led me to believe one of two things: Either he wasn’t really that into me, or he simply does not know how to carry on a mature conversation and for me, it’s a turn off! I figure if you can’t lead a conversation, how you gonna lead a relationship? And please don’t come here with that , Maybe he’s an introvert! Well if he is an introvert, he should refrain from placing himself in situations where he’ll have to be, well, you know, SOCIAL!! 🤔

But I will say, I had a pretty interesting conversation on Tik Tok about introverted men from an introverted man and the conversation can be seen in the screen shot below. Yeah, I’m a screen shot kinda chic, I will always have the receipts. 😂🤣 Take a look at the feedback of a Tik Toker who just happens to be an introvert. His analogy was pretty interesting, but I’m not sure I’m with having to force someone to talk.

So I put a post up on Tik Tok the other day where I was expressing how men seem to join dating apps only to do nothing but say Hello 👋🏾 every other day. Checkout our chat below!

Now this was one way to look at it but, guys can I be honest? Okay thanks. Whether you’re an introvert or not, in my opinion If you don’t know how to converse with a woman we’re going to find you boring and too fragile to handle us. 🤷🏽‍♀️ I mean who wants to get to know a guy who has nothing to say but Heyyy daily? Frankly, WE IS TIRED!!

Now I could have taken my Settlefree no nonsense approach to this entire thing and tell the guys to go kick rocks but I wanted to do my due diligence so this time, I’m actually here to assist you in learning how to effectively communicate better on a dating app with women. Sound good? Okay here we Go!

  1. If you reach out to a woman you are interested in and she responds, here are three tips on what your next response could be. 1. I found you very pretty and would like to get to know you. Is this something you’re interested in with me? 2. How are you? I stumbled across your profile and knew I had to reach out. How’s your day? 3. Thanks for your response, I loved the photos on your profile, can we chat? These responses are pure, positive and respectful and would draw the woman in just a tad bit more.

  2. If the woman responds again, let’s just say she says, Thank you for the compliment, yes I’d like to get to know you too. Here are three ways you can respond. 1. Thank you for this honor, you made my day. So how are you liking the dating app so far? 2. I feel fortunate to get a yes from you. 😊 So is this your real name? Mine is ———. I ask because we all know some people don’t use their real names on dating apps cause there are some weirdos out here. Ha Ha Ha 3. Thats good to know. So where are you from? (Ask this only if her profile doesn’t show where she is from.) These responses show humor, respect and that you know how to form some kind of communication!

  3. So now that you’ve started a mature, adult conversation that SHE didn’t have to initiate alone, it’s time to get to know her. You can start asking questions that allow you two to bond. Ask things like if she has brothers or sisters. Ask her what she‘s passionate about and another good one is, ask her what her favorite color is and remember it! This will allow you to get her a nice little gift should you both hit it off and she will be impressed if she sees you remembered her favorite color.

  4. After you’ve been talking consistently for a few days or even weeks, it’s time to respectfully move the conversation offline. Here’s how you ask. Do you mind if we exchange numbers and continue our conversation offline? BAM! She will more than likely say yes and you know what this shows? It shows you value her feelings. You respect her enough to ask her permission to move the conversation offline. Women love a gentleman.

  5. Be consistent! What it took to gain her interest, it will take to keep it. If you like her and she shows you she likes you then the ball is in your court. Are you going to dribble and score, or are you going to foul and drop the ball?

Guys it’s really not that hard to do and if you are truly interested in meeting a woman on a dating app and actually making it to the dating stage, you’re going to have to do much more than waste her time saying Heyyy everyday. Women like to know the man they plan to date can handle communication and not sit back waiting on her to ask and say everything.

I hope these tips I provided has helped build up your confidence and provided helpful conversation starters that you can use next time you’re trying to stand out on a dating app and actually get the girl! My final advice is, closed mouths don’t get dates! 🙌🏽 Drops 🎤

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Tinzley Bradford is a Dating Coach and Journalist. She is the author of the popular book "The Settlefree Dating Method for Women"

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