Heyyy all my settlefree sisters! I haven't done a guest post in years and wanted to share a feature by a talented Author and blogger, Tina Martin. I thought this piece was appropriate for the holiday season as there are many "now single" moms who may have just gotten a divorce or for one reason or another, are no longer with their child's father. This is a good read to help recently divorced people cope.
Thank you Tina for sharing these amazing and very helpful tips, I'm happy to share them with my readers. No one has to settle for being down and out, or sad and blue while raising a child after a divorce.
Divorce is never easy to anyone, mutual or not unrequited. As the holidays approach, you can find a little hope as a newly divorced parent. You can make this situation a little easier on yourself and your kids by keeping some important ideas in mind, presented below courtesy of Tinzley Bradford.
Find Common Ground
While the two of you are no longer together, it’s better for everyone if you and your ex aren’t enemies. In fact, according to Forbes, creating mutual respect between each other will prove to be very beneficial to the kids and may even lessen the impact of losing the bond you once shared.
Since nearly 40 to 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, according to the American Psychological Association, your experience is all too common. You shouldn’t feel like a failure or that there’s something wrong with you. However, you will both have to work to help your children better cope with the separation. This doesn’t mean you have to be friends, especially after you’ve just signed divorce documents, but a mutual understanding is the key to creating a new sense of normalcy.
You may feel confused, and it’s likely your children will have even less information to make sense of the changes. As you navigate your thoughts as well as theirs, talk to someone you can trust so that you can productively express your feelings. Holding in your feelings can lead to lingering stress and health issues. Even if you have supportive family and friends you might consider a therapist to help guide you toward new beginnings. There are therapists for divorced couples as well as for the kids.
Your children will have their own set of worries, such as whether mom and dad still love them or if they will have to move back and forth. Quell any fears by letting them know they will always be loved, no matter what. While an older child may have a better understanding, a small child may have difficulty comprehending what is happening. Some children may even act positive about the separation out of relief, while others may display negative emotions. Always listen to your child and encourage open dialogue so that you can answer any questions and put their worries at ease.
Whenever two people permanently separate from one another, a feeling of loss usually arises. However, many people never take the time to consider how beneficial this can be. For one, your children benefit from not having to see you fight. Eventually, your children will get to see you live a little happier. Divorce doesn’t have to be the end all, be all of your life, as the most important relationship you will ever have is the one with yourself, according to Thrive Global. While feelings of heartache and loneliness are part of the healing process, it’s during this time when you can be the best for your kids.
Whatever your beliefs or religion may be, dive into the holiday season with gladness and create your own set of traditions with your kids as a strengthening tool to find purpose and joy this season. Try drinking cocoa by a fire, making snow angels, sledding, and watching holiday movie reruns to make the most of the holiday season. Watching classic movies is great for the whole family as your kids can learn the virtues of traditional romance while teaching them the qualities of patience in any situation.
Finding a New Place
Often, when you divorce, finding a new place to live is part of the plan. Whenever possible, try to include your kids in this process. Allow them to voice their opinions, though it’s important to let them know that it may take a while before everyone gets settled in. This is especially true when moving to a new area. If possible, use websites to help you locate apartments that suit your budget and needs. Rent.com is an excellent way to find rental properties in neighborhoods around Atlanta.
When it comes to your kids, honesty and love are most important. Put them first, which will mean there will be times you’d like to be with them and they’ll be with your ex. And when you do spend time with them, start new traditions and try new things.
Tina Martin is an Author and Blogger who once worked in business administration, but later realized her passion and today she's a full time fitness trainer and life coach. She encourages people to put their dreams first just as she did.