Updated: Oct 5
With the recent Corona Virus scare, it seems dating has become a thing of the past or has it? Well It all depends on what you're open to. Although like many people, I would love to meet a special someone, date him, get to know him and plan my life with him, the reality is I have not been on a date since before the global pandemic. Frankly I had given up on the possibility of even meeting any new potential mates until after the virus scare has passed. (Wishful Thinking) One thing I have noticed especially after the session which I'll share more about that below, men these days seem to be filled with lots of fear! Fear of failure, fear of commitment, fear of giving up their freedom and fear of not knowing how to truly lead in a relationship. That’s just my two cents! But what do I know? I'm just the recipient of this type of behavior!
I’m a member of the BWP (Better With Paul) community and recently I was excited to attend a session hosted by the impeccable, the amazing, Thought Leader, Entrepreneur and Match Maker Paul C. Brunson. It was his “Finding love after age 35+“ session and let’s just say it opened up MANY possibilities in the dating world even during this COVID-19 scare. Me being a dating coach, I'm still a student eager to learn all I can in the dating space and hopefully meet my mate. I many times find it hard to date and truly get to know a guy and him get to know me. Why you may ask? Well I'm noticing that men seem to think that when I flirt or show some interest in them that I’m just testing them and they are often a little thrown off when it comes to whether or not I am seriously looking for a potential mate. This is more than likely because I am a dating coach. All I can say to this is Guys come on, I might be a dating coach, but I want love too okay?? Does that clear things up for you?? Shoot your shot and stop missing out on someone great cause YOU SCARED!!
So Paul has this habit for those of you who know him that when attending his virtual sessions or masterminds, he will put you in what he calls the “hot seat” fast at any given time, on the spot, meaning no time to plan, no rehearsal, hair might not be done , crust in your eyes but you are going and will be on camera being asked questions in which you will be expected to respond to and engage on while in this seat. Lets just say, the hot seat is a non filtered chair!! Lol
The hot seats in this session had one woman who was sharing what she’s been doing to still date effectively yes even in a pandemic! I was intrigued with the fact that she mentioned she had already been on more than 10 dates and the part that really stood out for me the most was THESE DATES WERE VIRTUAL!! Like men do that? People are doing that and not feeling a cyber burn out???? That's pretty exciting right?
This Queen talked about how she many times start the conversations which for me was an ah ha moment because we as women rightfully so have been told time and time again that if we do the pursuing, we might look too desperate or come across as too aggressive while looking for love. Now under “normal” circumstances I can see how this could happen, but with much of everything we do now requiring the internet, my views on who should reach out first have shifted. See when you think about it, the lady in the hot seat would never have had several dates lined up if she just sat waiting for someone to reach out to her. And you know what this does??? It opens up options for us as women to have an array of quality men to choose from. Wow just Wow! After taking in these nuggets, It was then suggested that instead of the usual boring zoom style meeting with your date make it fun, do things together like cook a meal, watch a tv show or movie together and comment as if you’re really at the movies. Have snacks like popcorn, candy and drinks to make the experience come to life! Laugh and enjoy your virtual date together!
The next hot seat panel were three brave guys who were all asked specific questions about their dating status and some of the challenges they are met with in the dating world. I was shocked to hear that men have the same worries and fears as women do, they just don't express it the same way we do. Men shut down or avoid the situation altogether, while women express, share and talk about it. The problem with that can be, men view this expression as "nagging" and many times they aren't up for hearing all that fuss so they just down play the issue. These guys talked about how they aren't really looking to settle down yet and don't have time to date because they are focused on their goals and business, so dating would be a distraction. A few did share that if someone happened to come along and captivated their attention, they might be willing to pursue the potential mate. This opened up my mind a little and kind of explained why so many men are unavailable when it comes to spending quality time? The answer is, in my opinion, men are very fixated on success, money and winning. It takes a special kind of man who knows the importance of balancing both the pursuit of love and success. While they are in pursuit of success they will run over anything and anyone who they feel gets in their way. When a person is so fixated on that one thing such as being a success, that's really all they see. Until that one thing is accomplished , nothing else matters to them and this is why quite a few men aren't available to date, but rest assured they are available to screw! Am I lying? If so where's the lie? That's a whole different topic. If you can make time for sex, you can make time to date in my humble opinion!
After the session ended, I must say I felt hopeful. I was like who‘s ready? I was ready to bring the heat in the kitchen. Then guess what happened next???? Someone reached out to me and we made fish tacos on a virtual date! It was such an amazing experience! Oh and not to mention, your girl threw down on them tacos! Yes this is my actual photo of my fish tacos made from scratch! My dates fish taco photo is the one below with the cilantro and guacamole. I love how we shared our after pics. This makes the experience even more fun. Doing something together and being able to enjoy the end results. (Now whose look the best? You Choose!) LOL I think we both hooked them up in our own unique way!
How did my first virtual date go? It was a beautiful ,very pleasant and peaceful experience. I was impressed with him because he told me I looked absolutely stunning even from the video screen. I was like YASSSSSSS!!! Come through gentleman! So the way we did it was, he scheduled a video chat for our virtual date and when we got on the call, we started seasoning our food, preparing the ingredients , and having simple get to know each other conversation over our favorite brew or wine. We put our fish in the oven at the same time, prepared our fish taco sauce at the same time, and spread it over the fish at the same time, it was so romantic! LOL
Our date lasted from 7:30 pm until the wine I was drinking made me tipsy and I got sleepy, which was about 10:30 pm. The conversation and energy just flowed without seeming to be forced and this showed me that you can have a good time on a date while staying safe from virus exposure and not having to wait in long ridiculous lines to eat at a restaurant.
I must say I'm looking forward to our second date and yes we did confirm, there will be a second virtual date. Yay!
My take away is Girl gone and flirt a lil! Are we holding ourselves back from the possibility of finding true love because we’re too “formal” about our dating expectations? I swear I had quite a few Ah Ha moments in the Finding Love after 35+ session and that hot seat was LIT! What it all comes down to is communicating your needs and being heard.
What does being able to have a fun, positive virtual date really say about dating? It says that this is the new way of dating. We must prepare to engage in this manner more often and be okay with the fact that knocking the boots on the first date just might not happen anymore, unless you're into cyber videoing yourselves using a sex toy. (NOT RECOMMENDED!) It's quite simple, you can't hide behind those confusing non-personable text messages. You have to show up as who you are on camera. Yes Virtual dating allows us to be forced to talk to and get to know each other on the spot just like Pauls hot seat! (No Filter!)
I'm Tinzley Bradford, Your Settlefree Dating Coach! I help single women make wiser choices when choosing their mate, landing a career, forming relationships and building their business.
Don't miss out on a chance to register for my Settlefree Master Class going down December 12th. https://www.tinzleybradford.com/settlefree-masterclass