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Why Perfectionists are anything but Perfect! How to spot one and avoid becoming one!

Updated: 7 days ago

Have you ever heard someone say, "Oh I'm a perfectionist?" I'm super hard on myself and hard on pretty much everyone else too. He He He" 🙄🙄

Many times these type of people often think it's cute or they believe it makes them appear driven and tenacious to be a perfectionist, well guess what..... it doesn't!

One example of a perfectionist is rapper Cardi B. She is currently receiving scrutiny for not having put out an album since 2018.

In a recent interview, she mentioned that her music has to be perfect before she puts it out. This mindset can lead to a fickle minded attitude. This is because she procrastinates until it’s perfect in her eyes and if there is any possibility of failure, which we know there is, she will avoid this music project until she feels there is no threat or there is no one with music better than hers.

According to Webster's dictionary and Google, "Perfectionists set unrealistically high expectations for themselves and others. They are quick to find fault and are overly critical of mistakes. They tend to procrastinate a project out of their fear of failure. They shrug off compliments and forget to celebrate their success."

Because we live in a world filled with these kinds of people, "perfectionists," I wanted to take a lil time to share a few of the known as well as the unknown traits of a perfectionist, and believe me there ain't nothing perfect about it! Are you a perfectionist?


They are Approval Seekers

In my opinion, anyone who does not take the time to recognize their own wins will more than likely never feel they are good enough and will always be seeking approval. That's right, a perfectionist will do all they can to be seen doing the most and then sit back waiting and hoping everyone approves of what they are doing. See me standing over here talking to John? See me over here slaving over my work load? I'm da bomb right? I look cool right? I look like I'm apart of something don't I? I'm that girl! I'm the man right? They will pretend not to need validation, but they long for it. Imagine living a life of "pretending?"

They are low key competitive

Another thing you will notice about a perfectionist is they are many times low key very competitive, and their competition includes you, but they don't want to be viewed that way. Yes they will smile, laugh and pretend to be genuinely invested in your success story, however they are secretly planning a way to "one up" you. It's like they know you are killing it, you are winning in life and they don't mind seeing you do good, but just don't want you to do better than them!

I recently turned 52 years old and this was the age I needed to be to begin drawing my pension from a company I worked for and was fully vested in. Even though I hadn't worked for that company in years, I was vested enough to draw a pension. I mentioned it to a few people, but I remember one person in particular seemed extremely shocked and low key envious that yet again I was wise enough to have done something that benefits me financially and worked for a company that offered a pension. I saw and sensed that feeling of envy. After asking a few questions like, well how did you do that? Well how long will you be able to collect? How much will you be getting, they were like, "Oh Okay, that's good" in a real dry tone! I even peeped a micro expression. They were probably thinking, I mean no way she still has extra money coming in while working a good paying job!!!

We barely spoke after that. It was kind of weird, but I expected it based on the energy I received while sharing it. Sometimes, energy does not lie!

They secretly want to be successful

Have you ever noticed someone pretending like they aren't interested or concerned about something, then you later see them trying to master it? Example: A perfectionist might see people training for a marathon with a prize or recognition to the winner, or a chess match with a prize or recognition for the winner and they will say, "Oh I'm not into racing or playing chess, I just don't care for those things. Then fast forward to the date of the competition and you'll see them front and center in the race line trying to win!! Or you see thier hand all on the chess board competing. Ha Ha Ha! What? But you said you don't do these things!! What's really going on? 🤷🏽‍♀️ Guess that were once again, “pretending!”

They are often unhappy

Unlike many people who know how to fail at something and still see the good in it, and move on, perfectionists tend to beat themselves up and wallow in negative feelings when their high expectations are not met. They just don't appear to be happy unless they are being flooded with successful moments where there are winning back to back.

They fear failure more than a normal high achiever who typically aims higher than the average person. Perfectionists place so much of their focus on results and become disappointed by anything less than perfection, failure becomes a scary prospect. And since anything less than perfection is seen as a failure, it makes it difficult for them to have any motivation to get started on anything new. Now there is nothing perfect about that!

They take on stressful work so they can trauma bond with other perfectionists!

So perfectionists love to pretend like they don't "like" stress or drama, the thing is however, they actually do and they seek it out so that they can complain and trauma bond over how "busy" and just "stressed out" they are! They vow to never take on these type tasks, but they somehow end up doing it anyway. They love to be surrounded by the same type of people so they can all sit around and vent and complain about how stressed out and busy there are. How no one seems to be quite as busy as them. How no one seems capable enough to handle thier hefty workload. How people are just working their last nerves and life is just not fair. Yet, if they no longer had the stress in their life, they'd feel like a loser with nothing going for themselves. That's mostly because this how they view others who live a stress free life!

They want to be the center of attention

Many times, perfectionist often have narcissistic traits. Telling intriguing stories and tales is sooooo important for a perfectionist. They love to make

Every single thing about themselves. I mean face it, they are always seeking approval in everything they do , so why not tell stories in an attempt to appear as "the life of the party" right?Attention seeking behavior is many times associated with poor self-esteem, narcissism, and loneliness. They will try to convince everyone they are just so interesting and have all these witty stories to tell. It’s important for them to be seen, heard and liked. Perfectionists will do everything to try to steal the show. A perfect example of a perfectionist mixed with a tad bit of narcissism is when singer and actress Jennifer Lopez (AKA J Lo) sat down with some of the most amazing, talented and intriguing actresses, there was a clip when actress Lupita Nyong'o was speaking on how in the movie “Us” she had to play two separate people. Her words were so mesmerizing and you just wanted to hear her discussing her character all day. Then here comes J Lo, not asking not showing any interest in what Lupita was saying, but instead making it about her and how scared she was to shake her butt in the movie “Hustlers” Girl Bye! You could just see the envy in JLos face while Lupita was speaking. Check out the short clip below.

I get it, we live in an extremely competitive world and it can be tough to navigate life if you feel like you’re constantly having to prove how valuable, talented and awesome you are, but remember, it’s okay to be a high achiever who is willing to learn and knows that it’s okay to fail sometimes, but when your need to be perfect starts to stunt your growth and make people despise the crap out of you , you’re going to have a tough time mastering anything. Remember, there’s a big difference between others and YOU! Walk in your light!

Thanks for stopping by!

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